Just Sayin’
If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
Abraham Maslow
My daddy used to tell me, “Little pigs get to come back to the trough, hogs get slaughtered”.
If you insist on booking passage on the Titanic, there’s no point in going steerage.
James Michener—The Drifters
Show me a man who keeps two feet on the ground and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.
James Michener—The Drifters
I spent a week there one day.
It could happen.
Darryl Dockery
Words aren’t the only medium of communication.
John Scarry
Eli: How tall is King Kong?
Lucky: Three foot six.
The Stunt Man
I knew daredevils, and I ain’t got nothin’ against them, it’s just they’re all dead.
Lucky—The Stunt Man
I’d pay real money for that.
Lookin’ all over hell and half of Georgia.
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
Hilary Forth: Where do you get your statistics?
Sally Forth: Same place you do…I make them up.
If you do it once it’ a mistake. If you do it twice it’s jazz.
He’s often wrong, but never in doubt.
Let’s pretend…
Acknowledge—move on.
Still, there are worse things imaginable.
I’ve got an opportunity for you.
Sounds like a plan.
Only officers can go to jail.
This isn't rocket surgery, folks!
I wouldn't pee on him if he was on fire.
People are entitled to their own opinions, but not their own facts.
Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan
Organization saves time.
Brian—The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
I mean, if you’re gonna be paranoid, at least be rational about it.
David Pogue
I try to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out.
Judge Harold T. Stone
Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.
Michael Pollan
I'm not angry. I just don't agree with you.
Brent Rasmussen
Sometimes, talking to yourself is the only way to have an intelligent conversation.
They are fucking irresponsible because of all their irresponsible fucking.
fwc
I love when people tell me they have seen me in a movie and they forgot it was me.
Kevin Spacey
What’s signal to one is noise to another.
Phil Plait
It was a shocking thing to say and I knew it was a shocking thing to say. But no one has the right to live without being shocked. No one has the right to spend their life without being offended.
Philip Pullman
Cat stew is best cooked after leaving the meat under running water for three days to tenderize it.
Beppe Bigazzi-Chef
No Republican wants to die poor.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
One has to belong to the intelligentsia to believe things like that: no ordinary man could be such a fool.
George Orwell
For all our conceits about being the center of the universe, we live in a routine planet of a humdrum star stuck away in an obscure corner ... on an unexceptional galaxy which is one of about 100 billion galaxies. …That is the fundamental fact of the universe we inhabit, and it is very good for us to understand that.
Carl Sagan
Romance is transactional.
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
“They call them fingers but I've never seen them fing.” Actually, “fing” is an old Germanic root word meaning "grasp”. It survives in the modern German past tense of the verb "fangen," which is “fing”. “Finger” literally means “grasper”.
merlin_von_chomsky
It's a great day for America, everybody! Yes it is.
Craig Ferguson
I love humanity but I hate people.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Never take advice from someone who will profit from that advice.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Bertrand Russell
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Robert A. Heinlein
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like hard work.
Thomas Edison
Focus is about saying no.
Steve Jobs WWDC ’97
Focus on the part that matters. Holding each person accountable for the impact of their words. I don't care what you are. I care what you did.
JSmooth
Does mocking his ignorance serve a useful purpose? Some would argue that it's impolite to make fun of the opinions of others.
I'm not one of those people.
Larry Moran
Tolerance is giving to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself.
Robert Green Ingersoll
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
John Kenneth Galbraith
Have you ever noticed that the less someone knows, the louder they know it?
You don’t have to show up at every fight you’re invited to.
JT Eberhard‘s dad
Militant Muslims become suicide bombers. Militant Christians blow up abortion, clinics. Militant atheists write books.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they’re already met?
Hobbes (of Calvin and Hobbes)
When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.
Henry Ford
Being perfect myself, I am taken aback when others are not.
Mark Crislip
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.
Steve Jobs—2005 Stanford Commencement Address
I love, it, I really love it, when one of my strongly-held prejudices is borne out by actual, you know, facts and science.
shadowfax
Life is a sexually transmitted fatal disease.
David Gorski
It’s a crazy world out there. Be curious.
Stephen Hawking
Never underestimate the pleasure you give an audience by reminding them of things that they already know.
Bill Phillips
Your beliefs do sometimes lead you to say things which are evidentially supportive of the hypothesis that you are stupid and which in the absence of evidence to the contrary, might lead an uncharitable observer to accept the hypothesis as true.
The Barmaid
One of my favorite philosophical tenets is that people will agree with you only if they already agree with you. You do not change people’s minds.
Frank Zappa
In the real world where societies are plural, then it is both inevitable and important that people offend the sensibilities of others. Inevitable, because where different beliefs are deeply held, clashes are unavoidable. Almost by definition such clashes express what it is to live in a diverse society. And so they should be openly resolved rather than suppressed in the name of ‘respect’ or ‘tolerance’.
Kenan Malik
The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.
Delos Banning McKown
It's much better to simply not be stupid than it is to be smart
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
What people need to own and what people want to buy are not the same thing.
Frazz
The standard you walk past is the standard you accept.
Lieutenant General David Morrison
People have been living on earth for about 250,000 years. For the past 5,000 healers have been trying to heal the sick. For all but the past 200, they haven’t been very good at it.
Dr. Paul Offit
Not everything worth doing is worth doing well.
Tom West
A great democracy does not make it harder to vote than to buy an assault weapon.
President Bill Clinton
The reason a lot people do not recognize opportunity is that it usually goes around wearing overalls looking like hard work.
Thomas Edison
If you are absolutely hopeless at something you lack exactly the skills that you need to know you are absolutely hopeless.
John Cleese
As a random aside, shouldn't it be a cause for concern that the device most capable of taking embarrassing photos of ourselves is also the device most capable of distributing them to millions of people? Just a thought.
NSHipster
Nobody ever drowned in his own sweat.
Let’s make better mistakes tomorrow.
Perfectionism is often an excuse for procrastination.
Paul Graham
If you have nothing to do. Please do not do it here.
Provoking a reaction isn’t the same thing as saying something significant.
Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes)
If you’re naked, you don’t have any clothes on, but if you’re nekkid you don’t have any clothes on but you’re up to something.
Senator Alan Simpson
I believe that unbridled enthusiasm can make up for lack of formal training in many pursuits. There is evidently a difference of popular opinion on this point as it pertains to playing the accordion on a roof at one in the morning.
Ken White
If I could remember the names of people, I would have become a botanist.
John Scarry
Always leave room for one thing to go wrong.
Aviatrix
There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse.
Chris Hadfield
If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.
Admiral William H. McRaven
I've learned so much from my mistakes I'm thinking of making a few more.
I think the most important idea is to remember that there have been times throughout history where what is right is not the same as what is legal.
Edward Snowden
I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.
Janeane Garofalo
I didn't say you should conform; I said “The appearance of conforming gets you a long way.”
Richard Hamming
The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.
Plutarch
You can teach people to hate, and you can teach people to spell. Evidently, you can't do both.
I never make mistakes. I have, however, had many learning experiences.
You only need other people to give you advice that surprises you.
Paul Graham
When you decline to create or to curate a culture in your spaces, you’re responsible for what spawns in the vacuum.
Leigh Alexander
It’s been apparent to me for a while that most men can’t really imagine “equality.” All they can imagine is having the existing power structure inverted.
I cannot decide whether this shows how unimaginative they are, or shows how aware they must be of what they do in order to so deeply fear having it turned on them.
Sally Kempton
I started getting old. And I went right on doing it. Shamelessly. I have allowed myself to get old and haven’t done one single thing about it…
Ursula Le Guin
The true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching.
John Wooden
Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train.
John Scarry
O prince’s daughter, there is no such thing as just enough money. Only two measures: No Money and Not Enough Money.
Ethan Allen Hawley
No one wants advice,—only corroboration.
Ethan Allen Hawley
Ye wound be sad worrit wi’ what folk think about ye if ye kenned how seldom they do.
Scottish Highland Grandfather
Most movies suck. Absolutely suck. They just do. Most TV shows suck. Most books suck. If most things were good, I'd make $15 an hour. I don't live the way I live because most things are even remotely good.
Chris Rock
What doesn’t kill me should have tried harder.
Just because you did it, doesn’t mean you’re guilty.
Larry L. Archie, Esq.
I am a man of vehement disposition, with violent enthusiasms, and extreme immoderation in all my passions.
Oliver Sacks
If I can’t work with you, I will work around you.
Annie Easley
Writing is nature’s way of letting you know how sloppy your thinking is.
Guindon
You can easily mislead people by telling the truth.
To an individual with a working mind, the fact that most people — even if it’s the overwhelming majority of intelligent, informed people — believe in something shouldn’t shape your opinion at all.
Ethan Siegel
Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority” And sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person” And they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay.
StimmyAbby
Words have power, and one of the things they are able to do is get out of someone’s mouth before the speaker has the chance to stop them.
Terry Pratchett
I observe my shampoo's "avoid eye contact" warning 24/7.
Dave Shumka
It's easier to keep up than it is to catch up.
Kitt Hodsden’s friend
I think there’s a right to privacy. But the right to privacy should not be a right to hypocrisy. People who want to demonize other people shouldn’t then be able to go home and close the door, and do it themselves.
Barney Frank
Be more concerned with your character, because your character is who you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
John Wooden
Why do we still organize our school kids by date of manufacture?
Nobody’s perfect. Some people come closer than others, but that’s usually because of good editing.
Phil Plait
Sometimes it’s fun to feed a troll (as long as you’ve made sure they’re not allergic).
Wonkette
Just because I’m looking at you when you talk, don’t think I’m interested or even listening.
Muriel Donnelly
Sometimes, the hard part of being a humanist is all the goddamn humans.
PZ Myers
He who works with his hands is a laborer.
He who works with his hands and his head is a craftsman.
He who works with his hands and his head and his heart is an artist.
Louis Nizer
It’s hard to win an argument with a smart person. It’s damn near impossible to win an argument with a stupid person.
Bill Murray
A map is not a territory.
Professor Koizumi
90 percent of design is typography. And the other 90 percent is whitespace.
Jeffrey Zeldman
I am forced to conclude that only women suffer from the ravages of age; men simply get mature.
PZ Myers
Don’t believe everything you read on the internet.
Abraham Lincoln
It is far harder to kill a phantom than a reality.
Virginia Woolf
“If when you say whiskey you mean the devil’s brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster, that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty…” he began, pausing for applause from the temperate in the audience, “then certainly I am against it. But, if when you say whiskey you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and laughter on their lips, and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes… then certainly I am for it. This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise.”
Noah S. “Soggy” Sweat, Jr.
If you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go together.
Cory Booker quoting an African Proverb
Racism isn’t getting worse, it’s getting filmed.
Will Smith
Never attribute to malice things that could be attributed to expediency.
John Scarry
Why can't we have racism that's ignorant but nice?
De gustibus non disputandum est.
Brussels sprouts and spinach are delicious, it’s just that your mom couldn’t cook.
Elizabeth Sampat
Just because you have to do it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it.
A pessimist sees the glass as half empty. An optimist sees the glass as half full. The engineer sees the glass as twice the size it needs to be.
One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we've been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We're no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It's simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we've been taken. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.
Carl Sagan
As I move into senescence it becomes easier to look back than to look forward. The future offers decline, death and, to judge from what many others have told me, an eternity of damnation. Well, at least I will be with friends and family. The past, which becomes more appealing and wonderful with time, offers refuge from the storm. In my memory I am always so much better than I am now, so why not spend time in the past.
Mark Crislip
Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
David Brent
Coffee should be ordered in 4 words or fewer. (1) Coffee. (2) Large. (3) Black. And if it’s not too early, “Please”.
Anything is possible when you sound Caucasian on the phone.
Savanna Tomlinson
Let me give you a little advice about people like that. When somebody gets all worked up at you like that, you need to remain calm. Because the calmer you are, the angrier they get, and it’s REALLY funny.
NotAlwaysRight
I feel the same way about organized sports as I do about pornography. If I’m not playing I don’t want to watch!
Overt bigots shouldn't be hired as prosecutors. Only genteel people who will let the criminal justice system's manifest structural bigotry take care of business should be hired as prosecutors.
Ken White
Life is more than how many breaths you take.
But he moments that take your breath away.
Steve McEwan and Craig Wiseman
A writer should always write as if their parents were dead.
Feed your head.
The Doorknob
We don't want the military enforcing any ordinance and we don't want the police touching any ordnance.
TechDescartes
I’m so much cooler online.
I would prefer not to.
Bartleby, the Scrivener
Middle Age: You’ve attended the last of your friends first weddings and not yet attended any funerals.
If animals didn’t want to be eaten, then why the hell are they made out of food?
Why learn from your own mistakes when you can learn from mine?
David Tracy
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
Winston Churchill
With great power comes great responsibility.
Spider-Man
…the capacity of ordinary people for causing trouble is not confined to petty annoyances, but has hardly any limits if you once get a bad name with them.
Socrates
There’s so much they could have hated if only they’d seen the movie.
PZ Myers
Reality is not optimized for headlines.
Steven Novella
Jesus ain't say that.
Omarosa
If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.
Cicero
Wishing is not a strategy.
But this is the year in which I get to smile at all of those naysayers—every single mediocre insecure wannabe who fixes their mouth to suggest that I do not belong on this stage, that people like me cannot possibly have earned such an honor, that when they win it it’s meritocracy but when we win it it’s “identity politics” — I get to smile at those people, and lift a massive, shining, rocket-shaped middle finger in their direction.
NK Jemisin
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
When people talk about travelling to the past, they worry about radically changing the present by doing something small, but barely anyone in the present really thinks that they can radically change the future by doing something small.
Only the disciplined ones in life are free. If you are undisciplined, you are a slave to your moods and your passions.
Eliud Kipchoge
The best time to plant a tree was 25 years ago. The second-best time to plant a tree is today.
Eliud Kipchoge
If there is such a phenomenon as absolute evil, it consists in treating another human being as a thing.
John Brunner
Eat your frogs first.
I drive like an old man because I want to become one.
Don’t hate me cause you ain’t me, fellas.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.
Upton Sinclair
If ignorance is bliss, he must be downright ecstatic.
Moderate is not a stance. It's just an attitude towards life of, like, meh.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Social normalization of deviance means that people within the organization become so much accustomed to a deviant behaviour that they don’t consider it as deviant, despite the fact that they far exceed their own rules for the elementary safety.
Diane Vaughan
There are no mistakes—only lessons.
No amount of belief makes something a fact.
James Randi
I find it concerning anytime the boundaries between reality and fantasy are blurred. Knowing what’s really real is an important life skill, and extremely important for any society.
Steven Novella
The best way to reveal a man's true character is to evaluate his reaction when he's been given a boundary by a woman.
Truly@trulyprotected
You are technically correct, which as we all know is the best kind of correct.
If you push your limits, you just may find them.
Mars is the only planet in our Solar System that is inhabited solely by robots.
Javid Bayandor
The markers of masculinity and femininity are not ‘inside us’, as internal essences which we express, and then demand that the outside world recognise as our true selves. Rather, gender identities surround us, in the messages, images and expectations we are born and then socialised into, as social animals. We may be born male or female, but we become feminine or masculine.
Jo Bartosch
Please do not take medical advice from a man who looked directly at a solar eclipse.
Hillary Clinton
Getting lucky doesn’t make stupid decisions less stupid.
Paul Campos
Racism is so American that when they see me protesting it they think I’m protesting America.
George Floyd protester
Silence will save me from being wrong (and foolish), but it will also deprive me of the possibility of being right.
Igor Stravinsky
Men often react to women’s words—speaking and writing—as if they were acts of violence; sometimes men react to women’s words with violence.
Andrea Dworkin
Don’t pay attention to criticism from people you would never go to for advice.
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.
Edith Sitwell
The philosopher Diogenes was eating bread and lentils for supper. He was seen by the philosopher Aristippus, who lived comfortably by flattering the king. Said Aristippus, “If you would learn to be subservient to the king you would not have to live on lentils.”
Diogenes replied, “If you would learn to live on lentils, you would not have to be subservient to the king.”
Diogenes
Never attribute to malice or incompetence what can be attributed to a shitty incentive structure.
@deech
We're not here to fuck spiders.
Some Aussie
Have the day you deserve.
tiktock@Gettinshiggywithit
Do not let moose lick your car.
Canadian Road Sign
His train of thought is still boarding at the station.
Calvin
They keep putting rocks in my way and I’m making a fucking statue out of them.
Jess DeWahls
Increasing the size of a biased sample gives a scientist a more precise estimate of the wrong answer.
Keith Humphreys
A garden is beautiful enough without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too.
Douglas Adams
You live, you die, you’re done.
Roy Kent
You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish.
Richard Feynman
If someone’s good at something, you try to develop his ability, which results in differences, or inequalities.
Richard Feynman
We have no control over the bottom-feeders. All we can do is be our best selves.
Pamela Burford
He obviously does not know me very well, since there are so many other faults he could have mentioned
Epictetus
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
From a certain point of view: being an adult is just a series of attempts to avoid making previous mistakes, again.
Elie Mystal Twitter @ElieNYC
I’m not a vagrant I’m a hobo.
Reacher
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.
Dr. Seuss
Do not accept criticism from anyone whom you would not go to for advice.
I don’t care if you disagree with me.
I can’t force you to be right,
Paul Bertorelli
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
There are various reasons for keeping your mouth shut, but the best one is that you have nothing to say.
Archie Goodwin
It worries me when you make sense Walter.
Leo Knox
Incompetence can look like malevolence and it’s a whole lot more common.
Chief detective Finlay
It’s hard to be an artist if you don’t first become a craftsman.
There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up.
Archie Goodwin
The truth will set you free.
But first, it will piss you off.
Sarah Phillimore
Be careful trying to rescue someone drowning in their own misery, if you're not careful you'll drown too.
TullipR/Ritchie
In childhood, most people don’t hold the Copernican view, but instead think as if the heavens were in motion around them. ... In the world at large, people who are able to free themselves from this self-centered way of thinking are truly uncommon.
Genzaburo Yoshino
Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be a very silent place if no birds sang except the best.
Henry van Dyke
It is always wiser, where there is a choice, to trust to inertia. It is the greatest force in the world.
Nero Wolfe
Dudes, I am not saying this with scorn or judgement or condescension, but a whole lot of you are such staggeringly mediocre partners that a woman would rather a bottle of good wine and the companionship of an animal that shits in a box.
uncle dana @wpbfjr
I tell only useful lies, and only those not easily exposed.
Nero Wolfe
Remember, mockery can be an effective weapon in the fight against the benighted.
Jerry Coyne
There are various reasons for keeping your mouth shut, but the best one is that you have nothing to say.
Archie Goodwin
I try to know what I need to know. I make sure to know what I want to know.
Nero Wolfe
That is nonsense on stilts.
Baroness Nicholson
He who works with his hands is a laborer. He who works with his hands and his brain is an Artisan. He who works with his hands, his brains and his heart is an Artist.
Boys’s Workers Roundtable Magazine
I can't believe what you say, because I see what you do.
James Baldwin
There can be no right of speech where any man, however lifted up, or however humble, however young, or however old, is overawed by force, and compelled to suppress his honest sentiments.” It’s still true today.
Frederick Douglass–1860
They say you shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds you, but I’m afraid that in this case I’m feeling quite carnivorous.
Professor Kathleen Stock
Since when do we have to agree with people to defend them from injustice?
Lillian Hellman
I have simply been lucky enough to have low quality opponents.
Sarah Phillimore
Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.
Russell Baker
Trust arrives on foot, but leaves on horseback.
Dutch proverb
Selfishness is not living your life as you wish to live it. Selfishness is wanting others to live their lives as you wish them to.
Oscar Wilde
You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common: they don’t alter their views to fit the facts; they alter the facts to fit their views.
The Doctor (Tom Baker incarnation)
Half the truth is often a great lie.
Benjamin Franklin
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
I never said I was good at this.
Casey LaDelle
We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It's easy to say "It's not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem." Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes.
Fred Rogers
Not everyone’s problem needs to be my problem, and this was a good one to let be someone else's problem.
Casey LaDelle
There is a fine line between lazy and efficient.
Casey LaDelle
Failure is always an option.
When I say, “Does that make sense?”, it’s not because I don’t think you’re smart. It’s because I think that I am incoherent.
Dr. Amy, Psy.D.
@DrAmyPsyD
When I say “If I recall.” or “If I remember correctly.” I am being polite about being right. I remember and I am correct.
Lena @banalplay
You don’t have to do things my way, but you do have to do things the right way, which is my way.
